Family Problems and Their Treatment in Light of the Prophetic Sunnah

Definition of Family Linguistically and Idiomatically: The word family (Usrah) is derived from al-Asr (binding/capture). Its plural forms include usurat, usrat, and usar. It carries several meanings, including: family, a man’s household and his clan, and a group linked by a common matter [1].

It also means: a fortified shield, a bond, and the whole or entirety of a thing. It is said, "this thing is yours in its asr," meaning all of it, and "the people came in their asr," meaning all of them [2].

Idiomatically: The best precise definition was provided by Professor Wahba al-Zuhayli, who said it is "the group considered the nucleus of society, which arises through a marital bond between a man and a woman, then branches out into children.

It remains closely connected to the roots of the spouses, such as grandfathers and grandmothers, to the branches such as brothers and sisters, and to close relatives such as grandsons, granddaughters, paternal uncles and aunts, and maternal uncles and aunts" [3].

Second: The Family in the Purified Sunnah: The term Usrah (family) was not mentioned explicitly in the purified Sunnah except rarely; instead, its synonyms such as al-Ashirah (clan), al-Ahl (household/family), and al-Raht (group/kin) were used frequently. In one instance, it appeared explicitly in the Hadith of the Prophet ﷺ: ((...

What was the first time you made light of Allah's command? He said: A relative of one of our kings committed adultery, so stoning was delayed for him.

Then a man in a family (Usrah) of the people committed adultery, and he wanted to stone him, but his people intervened and said: Our companion shall not be stoned until you bring your companion and stone him. So they agreed upon this punishment among themselves. The Prophet ﷺ said: I judge by what is in the Torah.

So he ordered both of them to be stoned. Al-Zuhri said: It reached us that this verse was revealed concerning them: {Indeed, We sent down the Torah, in which was guidance and light.

The prophets who submitted [to Allah] judged by it for the Jews, as did the rabbis and scholars by that with which they were entrusted of the Scripture of Allah, and they were witnesses thereto. So do not fear the people but fear Me, and do not exchange My verses for a small price.

And whoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed - then it is those who are the disbelievers} [Al-Ma'idah: 44])) [4].

Third: Rules for Building Families in Light of the Purified Sunnah: Islam paid immense attention to the family, and the purified Sunnah brought many directions and instructions for building a family established on solid foundations.

This is clearly evident through the organization of relations between spouses, the clarification of mandatory rights, and the encouragement to instill meanings of affection and love between spouses on one hand, and between the head of the family and its members on the other, to achieve the ultimate goal referred to in the noble verse; Allah Almighty says: {And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.

Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought} [Ar-Rum: 21].

These directions are intended to preserve the family entity over time, in difficult circumstances, through the appearance of gray hair, the reaching of old age, and the advancement of years. Among those instructions and foundations are the following:

1- Sincere Faith and Good Deeds: This provides the marital life with more spirit, love, and affection. Allah Almighty has guaranteed the believing family a tranquil life and eternal happiness; Allah Almighty says: {Indeed, those who have believed and done righteous deeds, the Most Merciful will appoint for them affection} [Maryam: 96].

Through this foundation, the Prophet ﷺ directed the man to prioritize righteousness and piety when choosing a life partner; on the authority of Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him), he said: The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: ((If there comes to you one whose religion and character you are pleased with, then marry [your daughter] to him; if you do not do so, there will be fitnah (trial/discord) on earth and widespread corruption)) [5].

It is established in the purified Sunnah that the Prophet ﷺ proposed on behalf of the great companion Julaybib (may Allah be pleased with him), who was unattractive in appearance but good in character, humorous, and was a bachelor. The Prophet ﷺ proposed to him the daughter of a man from the Ansar, and she accepted him because of his religion [6].

Scholars have applied this principle in marrying off their daughters on this basis.

This is the upright methodology upon which families are built, which is sound fitrah (nature) and sincere faith. Otherwise, the building remains fragile, weaker than a spider's web.

The result is what we see in the high number of divorce cases despite the availability of comforts, compared to the few divorce cases in ancient times due to the strength of the causes of affection and the family's knowledge of the greatness of responsibility and the honor of fulfilling it, even with advancing age and the reaching of senility.

2- Manners and Ethics: This foundation is vital in building any institution or system, let alone the family, which is the nucleus of society; by its righteousness, the entire society becomes righteous. Through ethics and good treatment among family members, love and respect prevail, and as age advances, love increases and its roots strengthen.

Prophetic directions have emphasized the necessity of obedience and a woman's good treatment of her husband (husn al-taba'ul), and that the best thing to remove life's toil, troubles, and pains from a husband, making him forget the bitterness of living, is a wife of beautiful character who remains patient with him in ease and hardship so that marital life endures and success is written for it until the end of life; on the authority of Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him), he said: ((It was said: O Messenger of Allah, which of women is best?

He said: The one who pleases him when he looks at her, obeys him when he commands, and does not oppose him regarding herself or his wealth with what he dislikes)) [7].

Among the high manners and noble ethics is for a woman to be far from arguing, disputing, and arrogance.

Therefore, our Prophet ﷺ recommended that a husband choose for the marital nest a righteous woman of good character and religion; in this regard, the Prophet ﷺ says: ((So achieve success with the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [a term of encouragement])) [8].

3- Learning and Jurisprudence in Allah’s Religion: Islam urged families to increase their store of beneficial religious and worldly knowledge. Through this, Allah opens wide horizons of knowledge for the family members.

During the Prophetic era, women stood out for raising the banner of knowledge and were keen to seek it and increase their portion of it; the Truthful daughter of the Truthful, Lady Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), said: "How excellent are the women of the Ansar; shyness did not prevent them from asking about the religion and attaining jurisprudence (understanding) in it" [9].

Fourth: Among the Causes of Failure in Building Families: We have discussed the most important rules and foundations upon which families are built, by which their entity is preserved and protected from the evils of trials over time, changing conditions, and advancing age.

Some families in our societies may be exposed to problems and disturbances leading to the fragmentation of their bonds, the scattering of their members, and the cracking of their structure, which negatively affects its members, making the family unable or weak to protect itself from the crises and evils that storm it.

Thus, family ties may break at their beginning and inception.

First: Lack of commitment to the rules of the pure Sharia: Islam emphasized that families be built on a strong foundation so that the structure is solid, allowing the spouses to enjoy security and affection throughout life, with the fruits being righteous offspring.

Among those foundations: Good selection based on religion and character, rather than material considerations. In the Hadith on the authority of Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him), the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: ((A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty, and for her religion.

So achieve success with the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust)) [10]. Among the negative effects resulting from poor selection and following material differences is the prevalence of injustice, ill-treatment, and forms of physical and psychological violence that have spread in our societies.

This also leads to marital instability, often resulting in divorce and a loss of balance among family members at the start of its formation, and consequently the collapse of the family system at its inception.

The concern for the religious aspect and raising the family and its members on this basis is clear and evident from the biography of our Prophet ﷺ, and it has several forms and manifestations, including his eagerness to instill the creed in their hearts.

Among this is what was reported by Anas bin Malik (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: ((I served the Prophet ﷺ for ten years, and he never commanded me with a matter that I was slow in doing or neglected and then blamed me for it.

If anyone from his household blamed me, he would say: Leave him, for if it were destined—or he said decreed—to be, it would have been)) [11]. In this is a clarification of the importance of belief in the divine decree (Qadr) and Allah's will.

Second: The loss of rights: The spread of injustice among family members is caused by ignorance of the teachings of the magnificent Sharia.

There are certain rights that Allah made obligatory upon the man toward his wife and life partner for building the marital nest, and likewise, there are rights upon the woman toward her husband that she may know nothing about or may neglect. Failing to observe or consider these rights leads to disputes and discord over the most trivial reasons.

Our Prophet clarified those rights placed upon the family; it was mentioned in the Hadith: ((Behold, you have a right over your women, and your women have a right over you. As for your right over your women, they should not allow anyone you dislike to tread on your beds, nor should they allow anyone you dislike into your homes.

Behold, their right over you is that you treat them well regarding their clothing and their food)) [12].

Third: Among the family problems is falling into the trap of marital comparisons with the partner, or what is called a lack of satisfaction and contentment (Qana’ah), which is among the causes of the absence of marital happiness, the occurrence of problems, and looking toward what others have.

The Prophet ﷺ guided us to a solution for this problem in the noble Hadith, on the authority of Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: ((Look at those who are beneath you, and do not look at those who are above you, for it is more likely that you will not belittle Allah's blessing upon you)) [13].

The treatment is for the man to look at and contemplate the state of those who were not granted a wife, wealth, a home, or fortune, and to praise Allah for the blessings Allah bestowed upon him, such as a simple home, a little wealth, and a righteous wife, saying: "Praise be to Allah who preferred us over many of those He created with a marked preference."

O Allah, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous. Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds, and may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon our master Muhammad and upon all his family and companions.

Footnotes: [1] Lisan al-Arab, Ibn Manzur (d. 711 AH), Vol. 4, p. 19, Dar Sadir, Beirut, 3rd Ed, 1414 AH. [2] See: Al-Qamus al-Fiqhi lughatan wa istilahan, Dr. Sa'di Abu Habib, 2nd Ed, p. 20, Syria - Damascus: Dar al-Fikr, 1408 AH - 1988 AD. [3] Al-Usrah al-Muslimah fi al-Alam al-Mu'asir, Wahba al-Zuhayli, 1st Ed, p.

20, Damascus: Dar al-Fikr, 1420 AH - 2000 AD. [4] Sunan Abi Dawood (d. 275 AH), edited by Shu'ayb al-Arna'ut, Kitab al-Hudud, Dar al-Risalah al-Ilmiyyah, Vol. 1: 2009 AD, p. 499, Hadith No. (4450).

Ibn Hajar said: there is an accused man in its chain; [Fath al-Bari (2/173)], and Al-Mundhiri said: there is an unknown man in it; [Awn al-Ma'bud (4/265)]. [5] Sunan al-Tirmidhi: edited by Ahmad Muhammad Shakir, Abwab al-Nikah, Al-Halabi Press – Egypt, 3rd Ed 1975 AD, Hadith No.

1085, and the wording is his; and Ibn Majah (1967) with a slight variation. [6] Narrated by Ahmad in his Musnad (4/421, 422, 425), the wording is his, and its chain is authentic. [7] Musnad Ahmad, edited by Shu'ayb al-Arna'ut, p. 361, No. (9587), and Al-Nasa’i also reported it, No. (3231), and the wording is his.

[8] See: Sahih al-Bukhari, Kitab al-Nikah, chapter: those of equal standing in religion, Vol. 7, Hadith No. (5090). [9] Reported by Abu Dawood (316) and the wording is his, Muslim (332), and Ibn Majah (642) with a slight variation. [10] Reported by Al-Bukhari, Kitab al-Nikah, chapter: those of equal standing in religion, No.

(5090), and Muslim, Kitab al-Rada’, chapter: the desirability of marrying the religious one, No. (1466). [11] Reported by Al-Bukhari (6038), Muslim (2309), Abu Dawood (4774), Al-Tirmidhi (2015) similarly, and Ahmad (13418) and the wording is his. [12] Narrated by Ibn Majah in his Sunan, Kitab Abwab al-Nikah, Vol. 3, p. 75, No.

1851, and Al-Tirmidhi in his Sunan No. 1163, and he said it is an authentic (Sahih) Hadith, and Ibn Abd al-Barr said in Ikmal Tahdhib al-Kamal: Sahih; (10/125). [13] Narrated by Muslim: Kitab al-Zuhd wa al-Raqa’iq No. (2963).